Cherry flavored Pez

Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird.

^ One of the reasons Stand By Me is my favorite movie of all time. I can never watch that movie too many times. Not to mention the fact that River Phoenix is in it and I'm absurdly obsessed with him. I wish he was still alive. He was the anti-celebrity, as he was truly talented and smart. I adore all of his movies and highly recommend Dogfight. Definitely a must see! Ugh, I love that guy!

Oh and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone (if anyone even reads this other than myself!) Anyways, I hope your day was pleasant. Personally, I'd like to give thanks for everything in my life. I understand that I am loved and surrounded by some amazing people!!

I also totally went to see Twilight again last night. I loved it even more the second time, no lie!! Maybe I'll even go see it again :) :) :) BTW, I absolutely adore Robert Pattinson's singing voice. When I first listened to his tracks on the Twilight soundtrack, I could hardly believe it was him. Absolutely beautiful voice. Even if you hate the whole Twilight hype, you should give his songs a listen because he's extremely talented.

Peace, love and River Phoenix.

Tomorrow

I really hope I get to see Twilight again tomorrow night. I'm aware that it leaked on the interwebzzzz, but I love watching movies in the theaters. I better, better be GOING! I am madly in love with Robert Pattinson, along with half of the female population. I enjoy how awkward he is. His interviews are always hilarious and usually they're not meant to be! Haha. RPATTZ IS THE MAN.

I really don't feel like doing my math homework right now either. Blahhhh...

Anyways, all I did today was CLEAN and see someone I haven't seen in ages.

I should go take a shower before it gets too late. Ciao!


PS- ....CAT! :) :) :)

Just another brick in the wall

Some people are SO annoying. I've accepted the fact that I'm very quick to judge, but with me, first impressions aren't always the lasting ones. Therefore, I don't hold grudges unless 1.) I really do not like you, 2.) You act like you're better than everyone else and 3.) You have Conservative beliefs. Okay, so the last one is a big fib...

Anyways, back to my original rant on how annoying some people are. I've yet to come to terms with people that ALWAYS complain. I'm one to talk, but I don't do it 10 times a minute either. Some people think their lives are so horrible that they must complain to others to make them feel better... when in all actuality, their world is pretty fucking fabulous. I'm not going to name names or list examples because that might take all day and I'd sooner fit into this rant than any one person I'd be referring to. Basically, JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE... instead of complain--err, ~chasin' that paper! (I'm now singing T.I. and Rihanna, thank you very much)

I'm fairly tired from a long day at QC, but I'm gonna download some new music before I retire to my bed. Hopefully tonight I'll dream about my own Edward Cullen... or even Cedric Diggory for that matter. Hey, Robert Pattinson even. And yes, I thought the Twilight movie was GOOD and I've read the book. So now you can shut up about how much it sucked. Different strokes for different folks...

Peace, love and River Phoenix.

MY PAINTING :)

Where do they all belong?

Life is not easy, but for as long as I can remember, it's always been manageable. For the past week or so, I've become incredibly depressed. It's quite hard to explain why nor do I feel comfortable doing so. I've recently found myself sitting alone in my room just wondering why every last aspect of my life is so monotonous. Sure, I've had the opportunity of doing some amazing things in my 19 years, but as I sort through some of my friend's various Facebook photos, I realize that by no means am I living "the good life." What exactly is that anyways? My reality has been distorted by a sudden realization. I used to live by the quote, "Only God can judge me" but how much weight does that quote hold if I can't even call myself a devout Catholic?

Sometimes I care what other people think of me and sometimes I don't. When I'm happy, I don't give a flying fuck what people have to say about me or my life, but when I'm sad and depressed like right now, I care so much what people are saying behind my back or whispering when they pass me on the street. I feel like I'm constantly being judged and that no one likes me. Sure, I have plenty of friends but none of them seem to always bring out the best in me.

I'm constantly surrounded by boring people who don't seem to have a spontaneous bone in their body. Sure I love some downtime, but I can't be cooped up in my house forever. If one more person comes to my house to simply get out of theirs, then I'm going to scream. I'm so fucking sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel pathetic, lonely and unworthy.

No one seems to believe that I can be depressed at certain times because I'm a pretty young girl whose always smiling. All in all, it's hard for me to convince anyone that I've cried myself to sleep, cut my arms or wished to live someone else's life.

I don't want my first blog to sound immensely sad, but today was not a good day. Writing usually helps to release some inner demons that are hard to divulge via oral communication.

Basically, I love life but hate the random fucking downfalls that fill my days with depression. I wish we could go back to the summer, so I could go to a Met game. They always make me happy. I want more than anything to go to one more Met game at Shea Stadium with two people. Unfortunately, this will never happen since Shea is being taken apart, my grandpa is dead and my ex-best friend now lives in Jersey. However, this ex-best friend will always hold a special place in my heart. Bad memories were made when we split ways, but now that we've both grown up, we've been able to come together again. I love her and always will. She'll always be a best friend in my heart and the long lost twin God forgot to give me.

Maybe tomorrow will bear a brighter and better day for me, or maybe it will be the same as today. One thing is for sure though, I am damn lucky to be alive-- even if certain days feel like hell.

I love you Papa and think of you everyday.